Risky Queries

Yesterday, I read this post over at Murphblog, which includes the query that landed Chris Rylander an agent, despite the fact that the book he queried was an adult book and the agent he queried handled mostly children's lit. The query is funny. Real funny. And it breaks darn near every rule about queries ever written--especially the one about querying agents who would be a good fit for your book. At the encouragement of The Wad, I decided to break out of my tried and true, four paragraph, polished, professional and polite query and try something different. I'm wondering what would happen if I actually submitted something like this...
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Dear [Agent]:

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I am submitting the first two chapters of my novel Gods & Vultures, Life with Mom.
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As you might expect, this novel involves Gods, vultures and somebody's mom. I have seen vultures and did, in fact, have a mom for many years, which gives me a great background for this work upon which to draw. (Please note the effort to which I have gone so as not to dangle a preposition in the last sentence. ) (Ditto.) And while I have not actually *seen* God, I have seen many pictures of him and once found a clump of dried toothpaste in his exact likeness. I believe this is a sign. I also like cupcakes.

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My protagonist, AJ Scales, was born of the Gods. He knows this because his mother told him so. He doesn't believe her though, which is wise because she's crazy. Why else would she drag him around the country, moving every three months so he never has a friend, never has a home and knows nothing about his father. (Actually, she could be an MI-5 agent or in the Witness Relocation Program, but that wouldn't go with the title so--probably not.) Anyhoo, when AJ's mom runs out of money, they end up in Pittsboro, NC with an uncle AJ never knew. In the days that follow, AJ encounters a whole lot of crazy shit including a magical prayer wheel, a do-it-yourself vampire and the futuristic stylings of a fortune-telling aardvark. There are no cupcakes. In the end, you're left not knowing what's real and what's not, which is kinda cool or possibly unsettling, depending on your mood.
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I have shown this novel to my mother-in-law, who said she couldn't put it down. She pretty much hates my guts, so you know it must be really good. I've also personally met several famous authors, including Ellen Hopkins, Rich Wallace, Jerry Spinnelli and Tess Hilmo. You probably don't know Tess yet, but you will and when you do, you'll be impressed, so you should sign me right now, before Tess gets big and everyone wants me.

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I would love to send you my novel. I promise you'll love it. If not, oh well--it's not like you paid for it or anything.

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Hugs and kisses,
Amy Cook